Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
