The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize