So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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