are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
