I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I love you. Go after that dick
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
