For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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