Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
