I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
