Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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