Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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