and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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