i jhust puked up my retainher.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
