According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
