I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
