i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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