Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We need to get me chipped asap
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
