I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
