Umm I'm too high to move.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
