This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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