I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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