How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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