You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
