My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
