I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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