K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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