I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
