I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
