sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
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The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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