Who wears a wallet chain?!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
