my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
