I swear she didn't look like that last week.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
