Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
