Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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