This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
