Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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