Whod you bang
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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