We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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