Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
