You're completely useless in the revolution.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize