Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
