Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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