your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
