i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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