btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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