He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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