Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
