but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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