Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize