Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
