You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
