Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
