I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
