I think I died a long time ago.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
