i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
