I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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