last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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