but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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