I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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