Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You took a bar mat shot.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
