i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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