I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
